Merdeka...or Bust

It's National Day today, it's the 53rd year of independence for our country, relatively young if compared to other nations  such as USA or China, but nevertheless a remarkable feat. Somehow eventhough it's supposed to be a joyous event, I didn't feel as though it was a great thing to be excited about.

I do love my country, and it's because I love it so much I feel heartsick about the going ons in the country. Right before National Day, the name Siti Inshah Mansor became famous overnight for the alleged comment "“Chinese students are not needed here and can return to China or Foon Yew schools. For the Indian students, the prayer string tied around their neck and wrist makes them look like dogs because only dogs are tied like that." ( Source : The Malay Mail ) This of course sparked a lot of controversy which set off the never-ending "bumiputera vs. pendatang" arguments amongst the youth and the public. Indeed, many Facebook pages regarding this case have mushroomed on the website, either slamming the headmistress or supporting her.

Happy Merdeka indeed.

Pendatang, that's really such a nice term to coin and use on Chinese when in reality everyone in the country is a pendatang one way or the other, the only people who haven't voice out any complaints are the true aborigines in the country who have been siphoned off to live in some god forsaken place, so how come they are not the ones in indignant fury whereas people of other races are harping on this 'pendatang' issue. We were actually the ones who conquered the land and drove them off it and yet we are the ones making the most complaints. Isn't it time we stop this issue?

If we were really going for the concept of 1 Malaysia, shouldn't we put down all titles, stop with the "bumiputeras" and "pendatangs", or is everyone too high up their horses to even give a damn? Who gave anyone the right to rule over another race anyway, who gave anyone the right to state that they were more superior and the others were inferior? No one, all of this stemmed from political bullshit.

Which brings me to another thing that can be classified under political bullshit. 1Malaysia, this concept has been around for so many years, but yet only brought to light repackaged as the government's brainchild. In irks me that the ones who are mouthing 1 Malaysia, are really the ones who are not for the concept. All those LIES they are feeding us sometimes makes me wonder 'Do they really think we're idiots?' 

Another topic of great interest would be Malaysia's politics, if we could make a movie out of it, it'll be so intense it could rival say Inception,  politics here is truly a dark dark world with no hope and no glory.  I have to say that there will never be a perfect government, we have to accept that no matter what corruption is bound to exist, just we don't want it in this extent, where they are BLATANTLY corrupt and they are so ARROGANT they do not even care if they were found out or not, and even if they were caught doing it, they LIE their way out of the mess. Even if the Opposition may be corrupt and all, but for now, they are the lesser of the two evils. That's all I can say.

We have to ask ourselves if Malaysia has truly improved all these years or did we just remain stagnant? Let's take a look at our neighbouring country Singapore, though they may be an island which is like a drop of shit off our Peninsular, but in a space of a few decades, they have risen up to overtake us. Nobody in the 1950s could have even predict that one day Singapore will be stronger than us, let's face it, we have an abundance of natural resources, we have OIL for god damn sakes!, and we have everything that Singapore did not have last time.Yet, now Singapore has everything we don't have. What went wrong here? 

Simple : We were too arrogant.

Solution: Be humble and work hard.

Is there still hope for the country? 

Yes provided everyone's like this guy :

Till then, I shall just cross my fingers hoping for the day to come.

With love,

[Jean]

You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.

And The Drums, The Drums, The Drums.

ARGH! WHO'S THAT!

Track me down if you can X)

Just to let the world know 

'IT STILL FITS!!!'

*cackle!!!*

Suddenly in the dead of the night I got hit by a wave of nostalgia, so I decided to see if my school uniform could still fit me, and surprise surprise, it COULD!

All I need now is black hair and I can infiltrate the school again! X)

Just in case anyone was wondering, Hin Hua High School is a Chinese independent school. The student number is our registration number, for me it says 2005353 , meaning during the year 2005 I registered as the #353 student in the school. So all our records are stored under this number and if the school needs information about you like where you live, what's your contact number, who are your parents etc etc, all they need to do is to key in this number into the database and BAM, all your information comes out, including how many times you have been punished and the awards you've won and even the societies you'd join. It's the ultimate way to stalk us students.

The all white ensemble of our school uniform is to symbolize the purity and simplicity of students and to portray that this is a point of time we were all untainted by the harshness of the world, also white is simple to upkeep and doesn't need much maintenance, but it's really torture on female students, for reasons you all can understand.

So there it is again, a glimpse to my randomness.

Leaving you all for the wonderful motions of forces and the things they do to objects,

Hugs and Kisses,

[Jean]

We'll Be A Dream.

I receive messages everyday, but too bad they are not from the person I want.

My phone damn old school right?

Memories come in all shape and sizes.

Mine is in this form.

Some of the happiest and a shitload of sad ones.

Amazing quote from NTFB found in his Facebook album.

Ditto. 

But it's not true, cause you have friends to make each step easier.

This is turning into a Tumblr like post. Must be because I've been spending too much of my time reading other people's Tumblr.

Here's to the people that will always be there to pick you up when you're down and scold you when you're stupid.

You know I love you guys!

Random post, but still hugs and kisses to everyone!

[Jean]

Everything Changes, In a Second.

It has been over a week since I've last blogged, terribly terribly busy lately.

Trials have started in college, so it means endless nights of studying, endless stress and of course the copious amounts of caffeine ingested. All for the sake of a piece of paper, and the worst part is? No matter how crappy you may think life as a student is, it's a thousand times worse when you're working, that's the sad fact of life. Anyway, just going to slog away and hopefully scrape through with something good enough to apply for _________. (Please fill in the blank for me.)

Which brings me to another story. What. Am. I. Going. To. Study?

So here I am standing in front of crossroads and I'm thinking "hmmmmm...which way should I go?" So I blindly extend my hand in front of me only to realise, there's nobody to guide me, nobody to make my choices, it all boils down to me, myself and I.

I thought I can forever use the excuse 'study 1st think later', but now there's countless of aspects that I have to consider, if I am going to switch courses, for example, the job prospects back home. So, now the real question is, to switch or not to switch? 

"Where do I want to go?"

Anyway, at least my parents are not really piling the pressure on me (yet), they just want me to finish the trials before going into heavy discussion with me. At least, they are supportive and do constantly dig up information for me. Blessed.

So, anyway, many things happened over the course of one week. Been on so many emotional roller coasters that I've kinda lost track, of course with everything that has happened there's always lessons that I've learnt. Which brings on Life Lesson # 934  If it's too good to be true, it usually is.

Dear all, never believe in things that are too good to be true, you'll find out in the end that it was never as it seemed and trust me you'll feel like SHIT when things finally blow up in your face, as if shit blowing up in your face wasn't bad enough, you'll now have to deal with shit feelings AND shit in you face. Double whammy anyone? I can practically see the eyeballs rolling in the sockets of many of my friends reading this, but I'd have to say, yes I was stupid, yes I should have listen and yes you were right, ALL of you were right.

So with great finality I would like to say this is really the last of my illusions, I'm finally having a clear head and I'm going to do something which has been sorely overdue. So wish me luck everyone. Finally, I can see the end.

Remember when I said I was putting a full stop at the end of a particularly long chapter in my life? Think of this as foot notes now. X)

With this, I end my long and boring and slightly emofied post and I'm going to kill my brain cells with the wonderful-ness of double bonds in chemistry.

Once again, Hugs and Kisses everyone,

Lurve,

[Jean]

Happy Times

So it's a new day today! I had a 'girls' outing with my mom and sis, all that estrogen rush really boosted my spirits and of course made my day.  Thank goodness my mom suggested that I should follow her to fetch sis today! X)

Moms always know best.

and daughters always receive the best pampering..haha!!

She took me around and we did some shopping, it was really the highlight of the week. So since I was so hyper there was an influx of pictures , which of course I will post here so I can suck the bandwidth up. *evil laugh*

Me and my sister just randoming around.

She's just so damn cute!

I know this is the stupidest way to take a picture, but how else can I show full body pics?

Animal prints are in this year!

RAWR! Jean-zilla is coming!!

And yes that's a huge Jack Skellington lying there.

I Heart Jack Skellington!!

This is one article of clothing that is mind boggling, I am still experimenting with it.

Here it is as a kerchief.

As a villain's disguise.

As a Balaclava.

Or some inferior imitation of a balaclava.

Yes that's a NBC bolster.

Ohkay I admit it..I am a huuuge fan of NBC by Tim Burton.

>< 

As an Alice band. Alice bands are wonderful!!!

As a wrist band.

Isn't it wonderful??

But oh so mind boggling. X)

Just wanted to share this with you guys. Short post short update.

Love, and hugs and kisses and joy to the world.

[Jean]

It All Boils Down to This.

There are a few dates I will remember forever. Particularly the 11th of August 2010. This is the one day that I will probably have ingrained in my memory, every little detail , every conversation. The only way to roughly sum up everything that happened that day would be through this :

1) Fall Out Boy - I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers

2) Orson- Already Over

3) 李忠盛- 走吧

4) Sondre Lerche - Maybe You're Gone

Yes, through songs and their superior lyrics.

I guess I've learnt a lot after all that happened during those few days, weeks, months even and I guess whatever doesn't kill me will only make me stronger, thank you Kanye and Friedrich Nietzsche for that quote. I guess sometimes when you are thrown in a shitload of crap you somehow learn to pick yourself off the ground to stand up again and go on with life. That's what living is all about, the ability to face shit and still survive.

There were many things that I am genuinely sorry about, and there were many things that I did that I am not proud of, and there were of course many happy memories that if I wouldn't give up for anything. A couple of us were reminiscing why our lives turned out this way, and one particular person said that if given a chance he would not have chosen the path he's treading now, but to me, if I were given a chance to relive these few months, I'll repeat everything again, just so I can still keep those happy memories, just so I can meet those special friends and just so I can have the things I hold dear to my heart, and these alone are WORTH going through all that crap again for. 

And so, it's another end to a particularly long chapter in my life, but as I put the last full stop unto the imaginary sentence of my imagined biography, I don't view it as an ending, but rather as a chance for a new beginning, so bring on the other chapters in life, and this time I hope that it will be filled with much more happy memories, and less heartache. 

To you : I'm sorry and I hope things will work out for you. Thank you for always being there for me, I know I'm one screwed up emofied kid. (stupid and blur also..haha) Thanks for everything really. X)

Lastly, to everyone who had been my pillar of strength throughout : You guys rock, thank you so much. Even when you all were having exams, the phone calls and messages never stopped, the words of encouragement never ceased. Thank you a million, billion times.

Also, at 12.34 am today, under the accompaniment of Muse's Exogenesis Symphony pt 3 (Redemption) I have officially bid goodbye to a dear dear friend. This friend knows all my sorrows and joy, and has shared every moment of my life. Though sometimes I really mistreat this friend such as taking it to the bathroom with me, dropping it on the floor and generally throwing it everywhere ( but I aim my bed) when I needed to vent my anger, but I really was dependent on it, now that it's gone, I feel this deep sense of loss within me.

GOODBYE PHONE!

It has given out on me, now I am officially phoneless. All those messages that I've kept in there to make my days seem less crappy ARE GONE. Oh well, it must be a sign telling me that I should really really really move on.

Hugs and Kisses,

[Jean]

I'm Going Back to the Start

I am really going all the way back to where I've started.

My friend said 'I miss the old you'

Well, I miss myself to.

So, after everything.

I'm walking backwards to reach the starting point again.

Hopefully this time I won't make the same mistakes.

Love, Hugs and Kisses.

[Jean]

Ouch.

Ouch a thousand times over.

I believe this is called karma.

Really messed up point of my life.

I need explanations.

It's times like these when you wish inanimate objects will start talking back to you.

Smile Like You Mean It~

Life lesson #869 HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED!

So after a tumultuous one month, things have finally settled down, the murky waters have cleared at last, the dark clouds broke and sun shone again. Yeah right, it bloody well didn't go like that. All parties have chose to apply one wonderful phrase to keep sanity in their lives, 'Ignorance is bliss'.

You know one thing? I believe that the Chinese were freaking geniuses for coming up with this proverb '人不可貌像' or as you all know it, 'Never judge a book by its cover'. Exhibit A was polite well mannered generally a good person you know, one can never tell how Exhibit A was like on the underneath since Exhibit A ( hereby shorten to EA for short) never does anything out of hand, preferring to keep their emotions and tongue in check, and always has a nice smile or kind word to dish out to others. Like I said earlier, those brilliant Chinese said 人不可貌像, and boy were they right. This afternoon I have fully appreciated the meaning of this proverb and for the record, whatever you're feeling towards me, the feeling is NOW mutual.

Nah I'm just kidding. What I meant to say was, the feeling is NOW mutual but intensified to another 100 degrees more. I think we're equal, I've hurt you, and now you've hurt me back. Also, I would also like to thank you, thank you for appearing in my life, thank you for hurting me, thank you for all those words you've said, for now I know that life is a bitch, and I realised how hard I have to work at life and how much I need to improve. Thank you very much.

Seriously where would I be without you? In a place called contentment actually. Now I know that's the place you go to await sudden death.

Taking a break from all those negative emotions, I guess you can safely deduced that life has slapped me in the face with another lesson, except this time it's a 2 in 1 package.

Earlier in the evening, I went to the pool to have some time alone and reflect on my day. There were only 3 people at the pool including me. A mom and her toddler were already in the pool and stuff and the cute girl asked in Mandarin "Mom, who's that? ( hereby referring to me unless the daughter is 'gifted') The mom answered, 'another aunty lar'.

Seriously wtf, 'auntie'???? WTF

Then she must have realised her super faux pas when I was in the pool with them, then the little girl went 'it's a big sister (da jie jie)' and she said hello in such a cuuuuttte way. I mean her eyes were scrunched up with smiling, the apples of her cheeks all bunched up in those little kiddie way,and that childish voice saying 'hello',  and at that moment all hatred left me. 

Peace.

Smile, like I MEAN it!

[Jean]

还记得年少时的梦吗
像朵永远不凋零的花
陪我经过那风吹雨打
看世事无常
看沧桑变化
那些为爱所付出的代价
是永远都难忘的啊
所有真心的
痴心的话
永在我心中虽然已没有他
走吧
走吧
人总要学着自己长大
走吧
走吧
人生难免经历苦痛挣扎
走吧
走吧
为自己的心找一个家
也曾伤心流泪
也曾黯然心碎
这是爱的代价
也许我偶尔还是会想他
偶尔难免会惦记着他
就当他是个老朋友啊
也让我心疼
也让我牵挂
只是我心中不再有火花
让往事都随风去吧
所有真心的
痴心的话
仍在我心中虽然已没有他

SO TRUE,  a song by 李宗盛-李宗盛

Encore.

Anyway today is the 2nd time I'm taking my driving test. Anyone that knows me would have already known the reason for me retaking, which was failing the 3 point turn. During the retake however, I failed THE FIRST PART of the Bahagian 2 which is the slope/bukit yada yada. What pains me most is...THE AMOUNT OF MONEY that I 'threw into the sea' as my friend eloquently puts it. Of course the failure stings also, but the money hurts more, and I have calculated that my license is going to cost me nearly RM 1500 which in case you all don't get it...IS A LOT OF MONEY!!For something made out of laminated paper it's God darn expensive. This license had better be worth it!!!! Better still it should come GOLD PLATED or something judging by the fact my paperwork and fees can already pay someone's salary.

You know one thing I don't get about Malaysian's testing system is that they don't let you retake on that day itself. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if they allow you to retake it immediately? No instead, you have to wait one whole week (2 whole weeks depending on your institution) to retake and thus wasting a lot of time and money and resources which are of course funded by the poor taxpayers, absolutely ZERO efficiency. Then again, they have to generate revenue somehow....*shifty eyes*.

So once again, it's back to square one.  Please let me pass the next time!

Since words are not enough, so to whoever that understands this bottom part, this song is for you. X)

Cue the music
Curtains fall
The lights all fade to gray
Don't think there'll be an encore
For our secret passion play

It's time to play the final card
In a game I now despise
To me it seems so obvious
To you it's such a big surprise

It's already over
If I stay here I'd only make you cry
It's already over
We can't move forward
So let's move on
Bye Bye

They say parting is such sweet sorrow
But I'm still looking for the sweet
I feel just like a baby now
These tears don't miss a beat

And I'd rather be anyone but here
And any place else but me

I'll just climb inside
My head a while
My demons have a date with me

It's already over
If I stay here I'd only make you cry
It's already over
We can´t go forward
So let's move on
Bye Bye

So go ahead
And hate me now
For breaking up on the phone
But I know that I'd crack if I saw your face
I deserve to be alone

And I hate that I still love you girl
And I only wish you well
But I'll never be man enough for you
You're a psycho bitch from hell

It's already over
If I stay here I'd only make you cry
It's already over
We cant move forward
So let's move on
Bye Bye

So long
Farewell

Orson-Already Gone.

Somehow or rather the lyrics are freakishly accurate. Oh well, things will always seem better tomorrow. So chin up!!! and face each day with a smile ok?

Lot's of LURVE and HUGS AND KISSES!!!

[Jean]

We All Learn Something~

There's one thing funny about life. It's the lessons you will learn throughout the duration of it, when life lessons appear, they don't come up to you in a nicely wrapped package, neither are they handed to you on a sliver platter with the headings 'Life Lessons, apply with care', no absolutely not, you get SLAPPED IN THE FACE with it.

This post maybe a little specific to general, or it maybe not, it's up to you to be the judge, but I'm sure we all can relate to it.

Sometimes, I like to believe that the world is not as ugly as the grown ups make it seem to be, I like to believe that somewhere in some corner, there is hope for beautiful things in the world. Heck, if websites like GMH and LGMH could be created, the world still is beautiful right? I try to not take on the cynical outlook to life, and try to inject some faith in something called 'kindness'. But then again, it's all bullshit. 

Time and time again, life has proven to me one thing, and I shall name that Life Lesson # 782  - It almost never pays to be kind. (take heed, almost never). It's like what the proverbs say, 'help a dog but the dog bites your hand in return'. At this point of my life this analogy is SO FREAKING TRUE!

How many times have you ever helped someone and they turn out to be so nasty and horrible that you wished in the 1st place you didn't even bother taking note of their plight? How many times have you helped a friend only to realised you were just only being exploited for your kindness? How many times have you even tried to be nice to someone only to realised, it's not worth it in the end? How many times I ask you?!

What was I thinking? Did I expect the world to be filled with love and peace? Should I put flowers in my hair and walk barefoot on the grass, strumming guitars and singing Lennon?  Did I expect everyone to hold hands and be brother and sisters forever?

I don't now.

It's not a choice to be mean and selfish, it's a SURVIVAL SKILL now in this society. Good girls with kind hearts made out of sugar spice and everything nice are so passé, make way for the new era of girls and their frogs and snails; and puppy-dogs' tails. If you're not mean, if you're not greedy and if you're not TOUGH enough to withstand today's society, you can just go home lock yourself in your room, throw away your key and spend your days counting down the hours till you meet your Angel, OF DEATH!

This is especially true if you're schooling, just ask any person now undergoing the normal daily pressures of schooling life, especially dealing with image issues, peer pressure, study stress and just a thousand other gazillion worries that make up a student's life. Though it may not be as tough as working which has more bullshit involved, right at this point of our lives, it's a pretty gastronomical issue for us students to handle. If on top of that you meet bitches and douchebags, you can kiss your innocent and naive little heart goodbye and gear up to be as mean and as bitchy as everyone else, forget kindness, forget lending a helping hand, heck forget even listening to problems, if they have a weakness, use it exploit it and totally annihilate all who threaten you.

Remember, it's a eat or be eaten world out there. You want to survive don't you?

* I'm in a really cynical mood right now, I'm not denying COMPLETELY that there is kindness in this world, just that since it's so rare and few between, sometimes it ceases to exist at all. It's like pyrite, fooling people to thinking that it's real until you get a closer look at it. You can choose to be kind, yes you can choose to help people in return just be prepared that you don't really get the same treatment in return, so it's up to you to wisen up, don't go throwing kind acts like it's spare change. If there is too much a quantity, people will cease to appreciate it and take it for granted. So that said, wisen up, since it's a doggy dog world out there *

[This time baby I'll be bulletproof!]

Jean