Life Woke Me Up With A Slap

To sum up what I am feeling right now it has to be that one word again : 'shitty' but somehow I can't seem to find the words to just express myself I have been looking at this blank post for quite some time and I can only come up with one sentence that sort of shows how my day went : Seems like today has started off well and ended badly. To top it off, sis is currently playing some emo (actually it's just this melody that sounds emo) piano piece and I've just watched my old band's promotional video for this Saturday's concert which if I were still there it'd have been my last concert. So, yeah I'm feeling pretty shitty right now.

Anyway enough with the doom and gloom I should start being my usual weird self again and not that PATHETIC and EMO person I was up there in that 1st paragraph.

So moving on, today the TKS lecturer came in with our graded papers and I realised something that increased my 'am dui-ness' or 'pek chek-ness' I have changed 3 originally right answers to 3 wrong answers during the exam, thus resulting in my grade now, just goes to show that sometimes we must trust our gut instincts for I recall that time I was hesitating. To change or not to change was my dilemma that day and after checking the paper countless times I decided to change those answers. WHY DID I MAKE THOSE DECISIONS??!!!! WHY???!!! From now on I'm putting faith in my gut instincts! 

Anyway I'm ending this post right here I can see that it's going nowhere. Alas, words seem to fail me today.

词穷,

[Jean]

The Brink~

Hands shaking as the paper gets flipped back and forth back and forth

Hands shaking as the diagrams are analyzed repeatedly hoping to find some missing information..

Hoping that suddenly a miracle might occur and the answers might come through a sudden flash..

Through a train of wayward thought...

but it doesn't...

Hands shaking as the table gets scribbled with the jumbled workings from half remembered exercises done before entering the exam hall...

Hands shaking as time...runs out...in minutes and in seconds...

Then...

Inevitable doom....

Life as you can say is full of 'firsts' and this is the very first time that I've experience panic attacks while doing an examination paper...and it's also probably the first time that I feel so down after completing a paper too...

So I guess this is what the edge looks like..full of black and despair...

And it's only Day 1

Talk to you later my blog...feeling too emo now..

Jean~

I Could Really Use a Wish Right Now~

Me again..

So anyway..before starting of my blog post this is probably one of the last few pics you will see of me as my mom suddenly went ballistic and told me not to touch the camera again..well whatever...

From the pic I guess you would have already known that I've trimmed my hair 

AGAIN

I actually don't know why I decided to do it..during Chemistry I was nonchalantly looking at the roots of my hair for any signs of damage and then suddenly the idea of cutting my hair pops out...it could be a sign of exam stress..it could be sign of randomness or it could the marvelous power of peers and their influence (another girl was going to trim her hair)...So merrily my friends and I headed of the my regular hairdresser to trim my locks..and I ended up drastically changing everything..I am happy about my new style..but of course....the story doesn't end here...

My parents blew their top..It all boils down to the fact that I don't have my priorities set right..and the fact that I shouldn't be wasting time when the semester exams are just next week.....Mom literally screamed at me..so I just adopted the best line of defense..stay mute..Dad was all going into his 'I-know-more-than-you-and-if-you-don't-listen-to-me-mark-my-words-you're-going-to-regret-it-and-when-the-time-comes-don't-say-I-didn't-warn-you-and-don't-get-angry-when-I-say-I-told-you-so-' mode...so again..I just stay silent..or more like I pretended to sleep during the ride home..

Even though I know I should have told Mom about me getting a haircut 1st..but for crying out loud it's just a haircut..and I only used like lunch break to do it.....So what's the big fuss...Right now I'm keeping to this vigil of silence..I vow not talk back to my mom when she screams so that she'll lose steam pretty fast...If I do go ballistic as well it'll be WW3....Every little childish act she does I'll just let it be....Every comment she makes I'll just accept it..after all what's the use of going against those who support you? So I'll just tolerate it....

When I look at my classmates having the freedom right now in college..I feel that I'm really shackled..sometimes I view it as a good thing..other times such as these..I feel that it's stifling..and I really wish that my parents could adopt some 'don't care' attitude once in awhile......

Looks like this hols I'm stuck at home again..

Jean~

This feeling of 'shit'ness

There are certain days in life....more like in all 365/6 days of the year....there will be this particular day where you just want to go screaming :

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!

FML FML FML FML FML~

It's just one of those days..one of those phases....

and it's happening to me right now!!!

I'm already tired like shit...and I've been trying to take a nap for god knows how long...I'd only got back from college at 6pm today..after msn-ing for awhile with my classmates..I dragged myself upstairs and plonked myself unto the bed for not more than 15 mins when I was called to dinner...so no choice (must be a good daughter)..I wake up..go eat..dilly dally dilly dally for awhile wait for food to assimilate and digest and do whatever those food do in the stomach...then I decided to take a nap again....so repeat same sequence...drops into bed...snooze for not more than 10 mins!! then the BLOODY phone starts ringing..and everyone refuses to pick up the bloody phone..just let it ring and ring and ring..so I get up answer the phone..and the person at the other end hangs up...that person is lucky I have no caller ID..if not I will personally drive the car out to where ever they stay and burn their phone line!

WTF?????!!!!

SERIOUSLY MAN! WTF!!!

Provoking me right now is as wise as trying to jump off Niagara Falls in the middle of winter wearing nothing but your birthday suit and with no safety harness...

In other words..A STUPID AND BAD IDEA...

God help me if someone pisses me off right now..I'm so gonna blow my top....

I know right now I sound whiny and shit..but I am really really really really really just too tired emotionally and physically to care about anything right now...especially when my nerves are being tested to their very limit every single day...

It's just NOT MY DAY today!!!!!!!!

ARGH!

It's times like this when you need a rock to lean on....

Tired and frustrated...

Jean

夜深...

心情非常糟糕的时候..才发现...联络簿里有那么多个名字....没有一个是能够谈的....

死蠢两个字...会写不?

自己投入那么多感情下去..最后还是......没得到...所以啊...伤了一次又一次..都没有变聪明..是不是..死蠢?

到最后.....还是一句话.....先着重在于学业..感情的东西..跟我..不怎么配...

*Watching and waiting ~A room without a view* 

This could be the blog post to end all blog post in terms of lateness....3.48 am...no comments..

Anyway..just a quick note to show my insaneness..then I'm heading off to this marvelous place called dreamland!! (actually dreaming is not good..shows that you're not resting well enough..and your brain is still in this high level of activity ...best sleep are those that you don't dream..also best sleep can be measured in terms like this..you've slept for a minute but it feels like an hour) 

OK! random fact over!

What's going on in my life now in this short space of a few hours since I've last blog??

Talked to FG!! Finally! after soo many months..feels like I'm regaining back all my positive energy...haha..my charger!!

I'm ready to face the world again!!

And this time..I'm gonna take life by its horns and show it who's boss!! Who ya daddy eh??! ( Gotta love the Godfather)

Farewell dahling online diary...I'm bushed! I'll update you later in the 'normal hours of the day'

Feeling sleepy..(3.53 am)

Jean~

Losing the feeling of feeling unique...

*cause it's nine in the afternoon....*trumpets playing* woo hoo hoo....*

Actually Panic! at the Disco sounds like FOB...

总是觉得怪怪的..我们真的有回到原点吗?始终是感觉我们之间..搁了一道墙....永远垮不过了...我傻傻的把机会磨灭了....可爱不可爱...?妈的..那两个是不是私底下在暧昧???很是烦的咯...两个在那边不坦白的..好像很好玩一样...如果他们真的在一起的话..俺会一边成全..一边诅咒!

Anyway...

Today was a pretty uneventful day actually....pretty much feeling the effects of too many late nights....Other than that...nothing happened...god my life is boring..

So......*what to say..what to say*

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

This is a new personal record for me..it's been 5 days since I've last talked to FG and Co properly..from inseparable at the beginning of the year to nothingness right now...I'm feeling pretty resentful that exams are taking over their lives...and not to mention countless other activities they have ( E challenge for one).....Is this what happens when one is not the same school anymore????! GAH!

Right now I feel like punching something.......preferable something hard and unyielding....it's times like this when knowing how to play squash would be a useful ability to have.......when you're feeling bloody effing PEK CEK!!!!!!

It's hot and I'm irritated....nice way to spend my weekends...

EFF!!!!

Signing out...

Jean

Oh...

Self explanatory title...

Guess it's me who's jumping to conclusions...

Ooops....

Sorry...

But thank goodness it's all cleared up now..

Infinitely embarrassed..

Jean~

Once~

*silly grin* 

Watched Once just to see the duet part between The Frames lead singer and his ex girlfriend...I repeated that scene 5 times....*big silly grin*

The duet of Falling Slowly was even better when sung by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova...I must get the guitar and piano scores!!! =)

* I don't know you..but I want you....* <3!!

Something must be in the air today....My mom and I went out for lunch together and ended up going shopping...and somehow or rather she bought me bags and clothings and stuff...I was kinda freaked out..I mean I still thought that I was in this 'grounded' phase..where every little action of my will be scrutinised and dissected for any wrong thread..but somehow she buying me stuff is like I'm being rewarded...though it's a weird feeling..but still..a big thanks to my lovely mom...*sniff*

And once again...rolling in the emo stuff now

This is a huge lesson to be learnt for me....NEVER EVER TRY TO CLEAR UP AKWARD MOMENTS!

In case you guys missed the news flash...I once again did something er....unorthodox even for me..anyway..cutting the long story short...today I tried to talk to the person involved to clear up the awkwardness...which made the entire thing MORE AWKWARD.....

I only wanted to say  'hey we're just friends right..so no harm done..don't be awkward' or something to the effect..but apparently I was ignored...it was like I was repulsive or something...it was as though one look at my face was enough to send him puking his guts out or something...not sure what in the world he's thinking..but I sure as hope that things will go back to being normal really fast..I wonder if he thinks that I'm still being hopeful....omg..can someone give me a clue or something??!!

Anyway...sometimes it's not good to put everything out into the open..take it from me..I only wanted to thrash everything out and look at my situation now...I'd morphed into some kind of people repeller....

Life Lesson # 1099406 : NEVER EVER try to clear things like these up..it'll only make it worse..go through every day like it never happened!

Learning to keep my bloody mouth shut..

Jean~

FOOTNOTES (at least something good came out of today)

Sis: (parodying nigahiga who was parodying chris crocker ) " LEAVE CHONG WEI ALONE..YOU"RE LUCKY IF HE'LL PLAY FOR YOU BAST***S...

gotta love my sis...=)

It's Gonna Be Emo ( Be Warned or Be Square!)

¿ɥʇıʍ ǝɯıʇ pooƃ ɐ pɐɥ sʎɐʍlɐ ı ʇɐɥʇ ǝuoǝɯos ǝsol ʇsnɾ ı pıp
:sı uoıʇsǝnb ʇuɐʇɹodɯı ʇsoɯ ǝɥʇ
˙˙˙ƃuıɥʇʎɹǝʌǝ ɹǝʇɟɐ
˙˙ɹǝʇʇǝq sıɥʇ pǝɯıʇ ǝʌ,ı ʇɐɥʇ pǝɥsıʍ ʇsnɾ ı
,sƃuıɥʇ ɟo sʇol llǝɥ ʇnoqɐ pǝssɐɹɹɐqɯǝ ƃuıǝq ʇnoɥʇıʍ ǝq ɹǝʌǝ uɐɔ ǝʍ sɐ lɐɯɹou sɐ, ɹo ,lɐɯɹou sɐ, ǝɹ,ǝʍ ʇɐɥʇ pǝpıɔǝp s,ʇı˙˙ʎɐʍʎuɐ
˙˙pǝʍǝɹɔs ʎʇʇǝɹd ɯ,ı˙˙spɹoʍ ɹǝɥʇo uı
¿ǝuǝıɟɟɐɔ ɥɔnɯ ooʇ
¿¿¿uoıʇɔɐɹɟuı lɐɹqǝɹǝɔ
¡¿¿ƃuıɥʇǝɯos ɹo ʎʇıuɐsuı ʎɹɐɹodɯǝʇ
¿¿¿ɯıɥ llǝʇ ı pıp llǝɥ ǝɥʇ ʎɥʍ
ʇuɐɹ sıɥʇ ɟo ʇuıod ǝɥʇ oʇ ǝɯ sƃuıɹq ɥɔıɥʍ
˙˙˙suoısıɔǝp lɐuoıʇɐɹ pooƃ ƃuıʞɐɯ uı ʞɐǝʍ uɯɐp s,ʇı puɐ uodn pǝldɯɐɹʇ˙˙ʎlısɐǝ ʇɹnɥ˙˙ʎlısɐǝ uǝʞoɹq sʇǝƃ ʇı˙˙ǝɯɐl ʎʇʇǝɹd sı ʇɹɐǝɥ ǝɥʇ˙˙˙sɐɥ ʇı ʇɐɥʇ sǝıʇɹǝdoɹd lɐɔıƃoloıq ʇɐǝɹƃ ǝɥʇ llɐ ɹoɟ
˙˙uo puɐ uo sǝoƃ ʇsıl ǝɥʇ
ɔʇǝ ɔʇǝ ɔʇǝ
˙˙ǝldoǝd ɹǝɥʇo oʇ ƃuıuǝʇsıl
˙˙˙ssɐlɔ uı ƃuıɥʇ uʍo ɹnoʎ ƃuıop
(ƃuıɥʇ ƃuısɐǝɹɔuı ɐɯƃıs ʎpoolq) usɯ uo ʇsıl ʇɔɐʇuoɔ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ƃuıʞool
˙˙ƃuos ɐ oʇ ƃuıuǝʇsıl
˙˙ɟɟo ʇı ɹǝƃƃıɹʇ uɐɔ ƃuıɥʇʎuɐ
¿ʇı ʇnoqɐ ƃuıɥʇ pɐq uıƃƃıɹɟ ǝɥʇ puɐ
˙˙ǝlıɥʍɐ uı ǝɔuo ʎɹǝʌǝ sıɥʇ ʎq ʇıɥ ʇǝƃ ll,noʎ˙˙ǝɹɐ noʎ ʞuıɥʇ noʎ ƃuoɹʇs ʍoɥ ɹǝʇʇɐɯ ou
˙˙˙ǝɥɔɐʇɹɐǝɥ pǝllɐɔ ƃuıɥʇǝɯos doʇs ʇ,usǝop˙˙plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ uı sǝlɔsnɯ ɔɐıpɹɐɔ ǝɥʇ llɐ sɯnıpɹɐɔıɹǝd ǝɥʇ llɐ˙˙ʇɥƃıɹ ʎpoolq ɥɐǝʎ
˙˙˙˙pǝɥɔʇǝɹʇsɹǝʌo ɹo poolq ɥʇıʍ pǝllıɟɹǝʌo ƃuıǝq ɯoɹɟ ʇɹɐǝɥ ǝɥʇ sdoʇs ʇı˙˙ɥƃnoʇ ƃuıʞɐǝɹɟ ʎpoolq os sı ʇı sɐ ʇɐǝɹƃ sı ɥɔıɥʍ˙˙˙sǝɹqıɟ ǝʇıɥʍ ɔıʇsɐlǝuı ɟo ʇsısuoɔ uǝʌǝ ʇɹɐd ɹǝʇno ǝɥʇ˙˙˙ɯnıpɹɐɔıɹǝd ǝɥʇ pǝllɐɔ ɔɐs ɥƃnoʇ ɐ ɟo ǝpɐɯ sı ʇɹɐǝɥ ǝɥʇ

Don't know what the heck is wrong with me

Jean~

Shit happens~

Today I was brutally reminded why I don't wear heels to college..

I only wore it in the 1st place is cause I have to attend some teacher's day celebration in college..since every class had to send 2 representatives to that event..me and S had to sacrifice our 2 hour break to go there..( I sneaked out after half and hour to study Bio..bad me...) 

Actually I was kinda disappointed in how the entire thing was conducted...In the first place..students were not encouraged to attend the event which was disappointing..I mean some people might have wanted to support this event but were already told beforehand that they can't go for this event...Then on the day of the event..it was suddenly announced that every class can send 10 representatives....can you say 'what?'

In the MPH..there was this pathetic congregation of students to support the event..and there were a whole lot of teachers....*cue the 'what'*...Anyway..I supposed at the end it got better..as the performances by students were great and the games for the teachers were well conducted..

Anyway..the point was..walking in heels on the road..the stairs..and even on the grounds of college..is a KILLER...crap betul..shouldn't have wore it in the 1st place..since I was only there for half and hour....My poor feet...

Next...我终于得到了一个很确定的答案..从我朋友的口中知道...再等下去..也是白费心机...白费力气...所以..我也因此决定真正的去放掉这段感情..因为..反正都没有结果了....还执着什么?...所以..就在趁今天告诉了他..好让自己终于可以在这一段人生章节化上句号...告诉他后..好像整个人轻松了....liberating..

*Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time, raise your hopeful voice
You had the choice, you've made it now*

Love this song..I haven't listen to it for soo long..finally listened to it again...gosh...LURVE it SOO MUCH!!!! <3>

Something happened today..that suddenly put my life into perspective..I suddenly realised just how privileged I am to be actually studying in Taylors....I can't really elaborate on the event that jolted me..but all I have to say is..Good luck...Good luck to you and I sincerely hope that everything works out..and if you ever need someone to talk to..you know my number...=)

So this is what life is I guess.....it's all about change..it's all about how we deal with obstacles....For me..I guess I tend to hope for the best and expect the worst..such as in dealing with all my problems..that way I can fall back on the excuse of "I've expected it as such"....which is kinda lame in the sense I'm not really facing up to disappointment..I just chuck 'disappointment' into this category:'screw it..I'm not dealing with this anymore'...signs of escapism... 

Shouldn't have listened to that song...Melancholy mood now....

Hoping for the best...

Jean~ 

p/s : all my love..and will miss you lots if what you're planning to do really happen....hope you eventually pull through this difficult phase in life...=)

Footnotes!!

Convo yesterday with my sis

Me: Cool my eyes are brown..Come see this J

Sis: Yeah..cooool..I can see your pupils dilating..what colour are mine??

Me: oo..yours is black..

Sis: Black? Darn it! signs of an asian!

Me: swt...what's wrong with black eyes..

Sis: Just the fact that they're not brown!

*effects of too much bio and sis being too random~*

Stupidity At Its Highest Level~

165 600 minutes...115 days..

That's how long I've been living in a dream....more like deluded fantasy..I think it's because my signal receptor has been faulty all these while..so it was like while I thought there was something going on..in reality what's going on is actually nothing....

So now I'm actually listening to my own self and really am going to stop fantasizing...and really start living life as it was meant to be lived! I've already wasted 165 600 minutes...I can't afford to waste any more....

* I can see clearly now..the rain has gone~*

So sem exams are creeping upon us...actually I shouldn't use creeping..it's more like it's coming at us with a velocity of a speeding bullet shot out of an AK-47!!! Another 20++ days till the D-day..if I don't do well..I can kiss my applications goodbye.....but the main problem is.........Should I seriously go for the course I wanted since I was 15 years old??? Cacat lar~~

Anyway...It's hard to be psyched up about it when lecturers keep bring morality down by announcing how hard the papers gonna be...how we are gonna fail all the time...makes you wanna go bash your head against the wall..repeatedly...

So I'm off to commit cerebral infraction..and I will keep you guys updated..when I have the energy again...

Searching for a Desert Eagle..

Jean~ 

Deep shit...

What is it like waiting for the other shoe to drop? The moments when you can't be sure it's gonna happen..Just like me hoping that my parents don't find out about yesterday...but things never go according to what you wish for and like Murphy's law stats "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong"...and this time it went Effing wrong...

This morning I went down for a relatively normal breakfast..my mom was asking about my day before and why I was so tired the other night..

Then after questioning me about my day..she asked 'Have you got anything else to tell me?"

DAMN! I hate it when she uses that phrase...it's because every time every single bloody time~~~ when she does that she has already found out what I did wrong and she's just waiting for me to `fess up to her...

So unwisely I told her 'nope.. I have nothing else I want to tell you.." 

BIG MISTAKE..cause you see she has found out of my rendezvous yesterday...since I didn't close my blog..and boy was she mad..

She really literally blew her top..at 9 am in the morning both of us were raising voices across the dining table..it was WWW3 again...she kept on going on about how I breached her trust (which I did ) and how that I was irresponsible for not telling her about what I did..

HOW TO TELL HER!!! omg..If I tell her about what I did..she's gonna blow up anyway..If I don't tell her what I did..no one will be the wiser and life can go on...but the problem with her is..she expects me to tell her everything and sometimes I find that..little things she don't know won't kill her..esp my life during junior years at HH....

Actually the whole scenario was that I'm supposed to be following A back from college on this particular Friday as my parents were going down Singapore..but I forgot about it until Thursday..prior to that my mom and I already had an argument about this carpooling arrangement..she always says I inform people at the last minute and that one day if I get into trouble she's gonna really give me a lecture...So anyway A has to visit her grandmother on Fridays..and I didn't want to tell my mom about that, my mom just assumed I could follow because the last 2 Fridays I've been sitting her car back, so I just went to college as usual....when it came to going back..I really did call everyone I know and since there were no alternatives..I took the public transportation home...

WHAT'S SO EFFING WRONG ABOUT THAT!!

Apparently..my mom told me that I should have sms-ed her even while she's in SINGAPORE! so that she can find a solution for ME!!! In case she doesn't know I told her " Mom I'm freaking 18..I can find solutions to my own problems!"...to which she retorted that I'm not really independent yet and I can't make decisions on my own and while I'm still living in UAH's house I have to play by THEIR rules...she keeps stressing that being 18 doesn't make me a adult and doesn't mean that I can make decisions like this by myself...

And right now I'm just waiting to see how my dad's going to judge me which is a hundred times worse that what my mom can ever do...

Sometimes...I feel like I really am being restricted...I'm always inside the house all the time...they always worry that I might be kidnapped..raped..murder...etc etc...they CUT OUT newspaper clippings TO WARN ME....that's how afraid they are...

Don't get me wrong I love them and I know they love me too ( otherwise why are they so chiong hei?) but I just wish sometimes..just sometimes!! I can be like the 'other kids'..the ones where their parents are cool with letting them go out..letting them go sleepovers...letting them visit friend's houses...etc...I just wish sometimes..they'll lighten up a little...

My parents always say that I'm not mature enough..and when I'm just about to redeem myself in their eyes..I go and do something stupid to put myself back into their black list again....so frustrating....

Parents are some people you can't live with and you can't live without~

Signing off cause too emo to write anything sensible..

Jean~

噢卖尬~

Look at my spastic face man...I can't even see my eyes..Hahaha

Just a random picture to accompany my random post..to put my random thoughts into some random order so I can randomly look at it once again next time when I feel I need to do something random....

又是凌晨了啦..大家好....

我看我的生理时钟可以说是不用要了...不过就当作是我为了奠定以后读大学时需要熬夜的力量吧~

废话还真多....

其实也没什么啦..夜深了..没有人陪我哈啦..就上来这里..自己跟自己哈啦一下也好..我看我还是要交一些国外朋友陪我在夜深的时候ci seen..最好是那种时差多过十小时的...哈哈哈哈...

我看我真的是 ci seen了.....

可以睡觉的时间拿来浪费掉.....

好啦..其实是要偷偷用下华文..最近很多话突然觉得用华文发表很是有文化一下的....也因为我估计某某人是不会无聊到找个翻译员来把这篇废话翻译成他所要的语言...或许叫人读出来吧..但是我是觉得可能性极小...所以.....

言归正转....我是神经病了...为什么自己凌晨还是那么活跃???!! 

好啦..纯粹上来是要把自己白痴的一面展开给人家看而已...这篇blog打来也不懂干嘛啦...哦..我懂..终于有原因让这篇废话变得有点意思了....

以下都是我觉得另到我ci seen的几点要素.....

1)  答应帮助情敌得到她要的男生有多少个人?? 请举手一下???

2) 跟自己喜欢的男生说自己有了喜欢的男生有多少个人???? 请举脚一下??!

3) 妈的.....考试要到了...(倒数 31天)

4) 瘦身!!!瘦身!!!!瘦身!!!

5) 钱! 钱! 钱!

 就这样..我 ci seen...

谢谢大家的支持与鼓励...

好啦...我要去睡了..大家晚安~

Toodles 

Jean~

Hairline Cracks~

You know how sometimes..when things are finally beginning to look good..when things are already starting to fall into place..get it's natural flow..something always ALWAYS comes up to disrupt this peace??!!

What's happening way back over there?? Are new alliances being formed against our backs?

I feel like as the days progresses on..the distance between us are growing further apart it's not like I didn't expect this (so I am pessimist..shoot me) but I just thought that we will arise above my expectations or something..or that we are stronger to overcome this...

At least that's what I thought...

If what I just heard is true..this could seriously change the face of our friendship forever...this will seriously....and I mean seriously..do some damages..I just don't have the vocabulary to put my feelings and thoughts into words...all I can say is...WW3!!

CRAP lar!! Eh what's going on??!!!

Sincerely hope that it's nothing!!!

Jean~

Whoopdee doo~

⎝⏠⏝⏠⎠ LIFE is a series of ironies waiting to happen....

Ok...let's start of with something that I had suspected all along..and today I've just got my confirmation....As someone who has been through all these kind of stuff..I really really feel for her..I know what's it like to like someone so badly that no one could ever do for you...this is the part which I know and understand..having been through it before..and I really am surprised that she confided in me..and I really hope that it will work out for her...and I will do everything in my power to try to help her get him...I'll really really try to create that opportunity but the rest is all up to the guy..so fingers *and toes* crossed! 

Since she likes him..I guess it's my turn to move out of the picture...I don't really know if this is a blessing or a curse to me..but frankly speaking I am kind of really rational when it comes to dealing with problems related to the heart...(ok..my own heart then)...I think it's because I've grown used to the fact that these things they come and go..and you'll ultimately in one point or the other be disappointed and disillusioned even by the person you thought that will be THE SPECIAL ONE..so I've already build myself up to expect the worst but hope for the best I guess...so in this case I've already told myself from the start that the chances are slim and with this recent development I can safely walk away unscathed....

Which brings me to the irony of life....What if this time..I can't walk away without feeling angst emo and all these bullshit feelings??! What if this time I don't wanna be the magnanimous one? What if this time I also like him so much that no one else can do if not him??!! What if this time I wanna be the one that's gonna stand a chance to be with him?! What if this time I wanna go 'who fucking cares about your feelings I want him to'??!! What if??!!!

BUT! Since I know how she feels..so all these 'what ifs' are just redundant...and all my inner turmoil are just crap because I've already made up my mind..and there is no point in dithering over a decision that I've made anymore..I am just whining and moaning over here cause I don't wanna seem petulant and childish in real life! Growing up and trying to learn to be mature and 'dai fong' really is a PIDA~

*You're just so selfish Jean..Yes you are~*  (p/s this is a real song..haha)

Anyway..all the best to you! Hope that you'll get him in the end..=)

Signing out...

Jean~

 

Talk.Listen

I need to talk to somebody...

But where is everybody?

Bats in the Belfry

一棵开花的树...

如何让你遇见我
在我最美丽的时刻..
为这
我已在佛前求了五百年
求佛让我们结一段尘缘
佛于是把我化做一棵树
长在你必经的路旁
阳光下
慎重地开满花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望
当年走近
请你细听
那颤抖的叶
是我等待的热情
而当你终于无视的走过
在你身后落了一地的...
朋友啊
那不是花瓣
那是我凋零的心

放弃
我觉得...世界上最痛苦的爱..是暗恋..
暗恋一个人的感觉就好像
他是天上的星星
而你是地上看着星星的人
你对他的感情
就如想要抓一朵云...
怎么努力...
最后抓到的...
就只有空气...
我为何那么折磨自己?
明知道他和我不可能有发展的一天..
我还是傻傻地盼望着...
我觉得我可悲的一点...
就是在整天都等着他跟我讲话...
哈~渴望他对我的那一点点的注意..
好可悲
就连我们站在一起..我都觉得我们永远不可能了..
他...曾经有过一个怎样的女友....现在有的一个怎样的女友...
都很优秀...
我觉得..我无法配得上他..
也许..我是注定当那个看星星的人吧...
因此...我不想折磨自己了...
做人要爽直...
我就决定放弃我暗恋的人..
恋爱..
爱情..
在这时候..恐怕是一种我们无法捉摸的东西..
我只有那么一点点的时间..
与其浪费在那种没有可能得到回报的付出..
不如脚踏实地地完成我的中学生涯..
然后..再打算咯...^^

再见了~

这些是以前我曾经写的一篇blog文章..现在翻出来读...感觉上还蛮有意思的..好不可思议...我竟然能够写这翻话出来...证明那时..真的..爱疯了...但..想请问我自己...现在的我..又有什么分别呢?也许是我重来没有什么认真的看看自己..要什么..但是...现在..我总算知道了..我要我自己快乐..任何抵挡我达成这目标的..一律会被我解决......加油~

我觉得...世界上最痛苦的爱..是暗恋..

Jean~