Deep shit...

What is it like waiting for the other shoe to drop? The moments when you can't be sure it's gonna happen..Just like me hoping that my parents don't find out about yesterday...but things never go according to what you wish for and like Murphy's law stats "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong"...and this time it went Effing wrong...

This morning I went down for a relatively normal breakfast..my mom was asking about my day before and why I was so tired the other night..

Then after questioning me about my day..she asked 'Have you got anything else to tell me?"

DAMN! I hate it when she uses that phrase...it's because every time every single bloody time~~~ when she does that she has already found out what I did wrong and she's just waiting for me to `fess up to her...

So unwisely I told her 'nope.. I have nothing else I want to tell you.." 

BIG MISTAKE..cause you see she has found out of my rendezvous yesterday...since I didn't close my blog..and boy was she mad..

She really literally blew her top..at 9 am in the morning both of us were raising voices across the dining table..it was WWW3 again...she kept on going on about how I breached her trust (which I did ) and how that I was irresponsible for not telling her about what I did..

HOW TO TELL HER!!! omg..If I tell her about what I did..she's gonna blow up anyway..If I don't tell her what I did..no one will be the wiser and life can go on...but the problem with her is..she expects me to tell her everything and sometimes I find that..little things she don't know won't kill her..esp my life during junior years at HH....

Actually the whole scenario was that I'm supposed to be following A back from college on this particular Friday as my parents were going down Singapore..but I forgot about it until Thursday..prior to that my mom and I already had an argument about this carpooling arrangement..she always says I inform people at the last minute and that one day if I get into trouble she's gonna really give me a lecture...So anyway A has to visit her grandmother on Fridays..and I didn't want to tell my mom about that, my mom just assumed I could follow because the last 2 Fridays I've been sitting her car back, so I just went to college as usual....when it came to going back..I really did call everyone I know and since there were no alternatives..I took the public transportation home...

WHAT'S SO EFFING WRONG ABOUT THAT!!

Apparently..my mom told me that I should have sms-ed her even while she's in SINGAPORE! so that she can find a solution for ME!!! In case she doesn't know I told her " Mom I'm freaking 18..I can find solutions to my own problems!"...to which she retorted that I'm not really independent yet and I can't make decisions on my own and while I'm still living in UAH's house I have to play by THEIR rules...she keeps stressing that being 18 doesn't make me a adult and doesn't mean that I can make decisions like this by myself...

And right now I'm just waiting to see how my dad's going to judge me which is a hundred times worse that what my mom can ever do...

Sometimes...I feel like I really am being restricted...I'm always inside the house all the time...they always worry that I might be kidnapped..raped..murder...etc etc...they CUT OUT newspaper clippings TO WARN ME....that's how afraid they are...

Don't get me wrong I love them and I know they love me too ( otherwise why are they so chiong hei?) but I just wish sometimes..just sometimes!! I can be like the 'other kids'..the ones where their parents are cool with letting them go out..letting them go sleepovers...letting them visit friend's houses...etc...I just wish sometimes..they'll lighten up a little...

My parents always say that I'm not mature enough..and when I'm just about to redeem myself in their eyes..I go and do something stupid to put myself back into their black list again....so frustrating....

Parents are some people you can't live with and you can't live without~

Signing off cause too emo to write anything sensible..

Jean~