有时候我还蛮庆幸自己会看华文..

其实现在有很多话..很多想法...都想在blog 中打出来..但是..又害怕别人看的明白..所以改用华文是非常安全的选择...因为...这些想法..是关于他...而且..他不会看华文..谢天谢地!!

我想..只有白痴..才会做出这么白痴的事情...也只有白痴会选择玩弄他人的感情..而我就是那个大白痴...有句话是这么说..如果不想自己被火烧..那么当初就别玩火材..你说对不对?? 现在自己被火烧了..滋味很不爽

给你的话:

你问我..到底爱不爱你..说实话..我真的有喜欢过你..但是..我觉得自己心变了..时间真的很短..大概一个星期左右就已经足以让我变心了...你问我为什么可以变得那么快..我也不能给你一个合理的答案..只不过我觉得自己..真的对你一点感觉都没有了..如果要我对你说我爱你..我想你..此类的话..我觉得对我来说是一中负担..是一种说了很没有诚意的东西...所以又何必呢? 因此啊..我时常用个烂借口说你是有女朋友的..所以我无法把我的心交给你...但是..真正的理由嘛..是我已经不喜欢你了..

我. 已. 经. 不. 再. 喜. 欢. 你.了

你骂我贱..骂我狐狸精..我可能都会承认啦..明明只是对你有点点的好感..却骗你说那是爱..却让你有那种想法说我是很爱你的..其实..我自己都不明白自己的心情..是因为我很寂寞..所以才这么做吗? 也许吧..现在知错的时候..要回头都来不及了..如果我残忍的说出这些话..那么..我们之间就真的什么都不是了..朋友也不是...恐怕..你恨我一辈子都有可能...

你有女朋友吗? 我真的好想问你..你们两个之间的关系乱成这个样子..如果我还是喜欢你的话你要我怎么接受? 如果我还是很想当你女朋友的话..那么你要我怎么介入你们两个之间藕断丝连的感情??? 怎样?????? 摆脱你自己搞清楚你跟她之间的东西..才对我说你爱我好不好? 现在..我看信息都有点反感..因为..我一直无法忘了你背后有一个女人..你懂吗??? 

我现在很他妈的不想跟你有任何特别的关系..我只想让一切回到你有了她的日子..而我只是旁观者的日子!! 我多么想啊!! 多么的想回到那个时候..你可不可以成全我这个愿望呢? 你可不可以不要那么恐怖说你喜欢我而不再喜欢你女朋友了..你可不可以不要那么恐怖..发短讯来告诉我你真的很爱我很想我..

你可不可以...回到你女友的身旁...可不可以?

就当做是我求你算了...求你..可不可以...不要爱我了...求你..可不可以..回去爱你的女友...

虽然她对你很烂啦..但是她也爱你的..我深深相信这一点..还有啊..你老是给我的感觉就是..因为你被女友抛弃了..才找我来充当她一下..陪陪你过日子...真的...我就是有这种想法..所以啊..你不要认为我能够比她更爱你..你不要认为我能够比她更关心你..因为..我的心..根本就已经没有你的位子了..对不起..我真的非常对不起你...

所以说..我一直告诉你..你要的..我都不能给..你要的女生..不是我..

对不起...

我不爱你了..不喜欢你了..

请让一切...回到原点..

可以吗?

[Jean]

Footnote : I know I should have posted my Phuket trip up here but that's gotta wait since I'm in the midst of collecting info about the places I visited..X) ...So here's an emo post about my thoughts and feelings now..haha...Bear with me....emo phases come and go quickly for me...

Anyway just to blog a bit more about my day..and when I say blog I mean whine and moan and bitch about how bad my day was..

So today was my 2nd driving lesson and I think I was a little over confident from the 1st really successful and no problem driving lesson ( I mean I could chat with my instructor while driving) so I kinda expected things to go smoothly..but the moment I saw the instructor letting me drive back to the institution I knew things were going to go downhill from there...
I mean this is me with my 2nd driving lesson and I'm already on the real road at approximately 4++ on a weekday..and my area is not exactly really quiet..esp at the industrial areas..there are lots of lorries using the road with the small Kancil I'm driving...can you say panic?
Oh yes you can...to sum it up..I nearly gotten killed* and I have gotten an earful from my instructor**..marvelous way to end my day...

Then after dinner and after I noticed 2 huge ZITS that somehow made its way unto my face..one of my college mates told me that results were online at the student portal..
MORE GOOD NEWS..I mean I kinda expected to have really bad results..but do I have to know it today of all days?? After being shredded to bits during driving I now have to wake up to reality in form of my sucky grades?
And to top it all of he told me HIS grades esp for a particular subject known as Thinking Skills and I felt EVEN WORSE cause I was supposed to tutor him and I kinda didn't follow up on that particular duty..so needless to say it brought down his overall score..and I felt pretty sucky about that..I mean...I was SUPPOSED to have helped him..and er..I didn't..so yeah..more demoralizing stuff..sigh


After all that I thought to myself screw today and went to watch "You're My Destiny" with my mom..and I think I finally know the reason why the heck I'm so addicted to reading novels and watching serials like that..cause no matter how shitty the characters' lives are in the beginning at the end it ALWAYS ALWAYS work out for the best for them..and they always managed to overcome all obstacles in spite of the odds which are stacked against them....Now why can't my life have this sort of ending?? *looks up to the ceiling and shouts 'where's my script?'* If my life were a movie right now probably some background music will play while showing scenes of me studying and improving on my driving and at the end of the song I would have emerged to be better in my studies and driving well enough to put all F1 drivers to shame! So once again..where the bloody hell is my script????

I guess there's not much point in moaning now..(even though I love to do it) So this is the ultimate wake up call for me already..no more fun and games..no more taking everyday for granted..from now on..it's time to activate my 'studying mode' which hasn't really been activated since J3...


Waking up to smell the shit known as reality
[Jean]

*I stalled at the roundabout..stalled at the traffic light and er..didn't turn the wheel enough during a left turn*
** My instructor kept on saying my foot got problem since I couldn't coordinate the clutch and accelerator......=.=**